How to Start a Conversation with a Stranger Online

The last time you sent someone a "Hey," how long did it take them to reply? Or did they never reply at all?

Sending a first message to a stranger online isn't easy. You do want to talk to them, but you have no idea where to begin. You type, delete, type again. And when nothing comes to mind, you just send a "Hey" and walk away.

That's where the trouble starts. The other person gets several messages like this every day, so your "Hey" gets lost in the crowd. Instead, pick up on something from their profile, bio or a post, and ask one small question about it. Then they feel you actually looked at them.

Why Does Just Sending "Hey" Not Work These Days?

There's nothing wrong with a greeting like "Hey." The problem is that everyone's inbox is full of "Hey" messages these days. And when someone sends just "Hey" and leaves it there, it starts to look like spam from the other person's side.

The Other Person Has No Reason to Reply

Say an unknown number sends you just "Hello." What would you do? Most people either ask "Who's this?" or just let the message sit there.

Now flip it around. When you send someone only "Hey," all the work of starting the conversation lands on them. They have to figure out who this is, what they want, and what to write back. In the age of reels, nobody spends that much brainpower for no reason.

On top of that, people are sick of the "Hi," then "How are you?," then "Fine, you?" routine. From the first message you can tell nothing new is coming. So people don't reply.

Why Does a Lone "Hey" Feel Like Spam?

Plenty of bots and fake accounts on the internet do the same thing. Send a "Hi" for no reason and see who answers. So when you also send just "Hey" with no reason behind it, the other person can't tell you apart from those bots.

Some people ignore the message, some block you straight away. You may really want to make a friend, but the first message doesn't show that.

So should you stop writing "Hey"? No. Just add a line to it that shows you've looked at the other person a little. If you're really looking for an activity partner whose interests are exactly the same as yours, sending your first message becomes even easier.

Write a First Message That's Easy to Reply To

The first message should always match what the other person likes. For that, you'll have to think a bit yourself. A ready-made message won't work here.

Start with a Common Interest

First, you need to understand them a little. You don't have to ask them directly for that. A lot of people share bits of their daily life on their own, like where they went, what they watched, what they're reading. Take an idea from there and tie it to your greeting.

Say there's a photo of a quiet place on their profile. You could write: "I saw this photo on your profile, the place looks really peaceful. In all this rush, what gives you the most peace?" Nothing heavy in it, but the other person can answer in a couple of lines.

If their bio shows books, movies or art, ask something like: "Everyone's stuck on reels these days. Do you like a good book or movie more, or just sitting quietly?" That one's easy to answer too.

Join In on Their Comment in a Group or Community

Here you already have a reason to talk: their comment. Just ask about that. For example: "You said it's better to live in one city forever. Which city would you pick, and why?" Make it a question that can't be finished off with just "yes" or "no."

If you can't get anything from their profile, there's one question that works on anyone: "People usually ask about work. If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would they be?"

What to Keep in Mind When Sending the First Message

Compliment Them, but on Something Specific

A compliment lands well only when it's about their skill or hobby. For example: "I saw your guitar video, you play really well! Where did you learn?" Compliments on looks or body often feel odd. And a fake compliment gets caught right away, so say only what you really liked.

Keep It Light

If you want a friendly mood, bring up something ordinary. For example: "Does Monday morning make you miss the weekend too? How's your week going, by the way?" You can also send a funny meme if you like.

Give Them the Freedom Not to Reply

If you saw they read it and they haven't replied, don't keep sending "???" or "reply." Let them take their time. Sometimes the answer comes late.

Got a Reply? How Do You Keep It Going?

Once the first reply is in, don't just stay put. Add some idea or something of your own to what they said, so the chat feels like it's moving on its own, not forced.

Say they told you the photo is from Manali. You could write: "I went there last year too, but got stuck in the rain. When did you go?" It has something of yours in it and a question to carry on with. Then it doesn't feel like an interview to them.

If the reply is short, don't panic. Not everyone writes a whole story in the first message. Just don't fire question after question, or it'll feel like an interrogation.

How to Stay Safe While Talking Online

Talking to strangers is a good thing, but always stay a bit careful. Especially girls, because they often get unwanted messages and pushy talk. When you connect with someone online, everyone should prioritize women's safety so that women feel safe going out, meeting up with friends, and taking part in various activities.

• Don't give your number or address early. Until you trust the person, keep the chat inside the app.

• Trust your own judgment. If someone keeps asking personal questions, pushes you or makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to reply. You can block them.

• Meet in a public place the first time, like a café or a crowded spot, and in the daytime if you can.

• Tell someone before you go. Where you're going, who you're meeting and when you'll be back, tell a trusted friend or someone at home.

• Talk once or twice before meeting. That gives you a sense of what the person is really like.

The first message doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to show that you're a little interested in the other person. Next time, before you type "Hey," take a quick look at their profile.

And if you want a reason to start talking already in place, check out Vybein. The most popular choice app for finding activity partners in India. You'll find people near you who want company for something like the gym, coffee, studying or badminton. It's not a dating app. It's about friendship and company.

Safety is taken care of too. Chats stay inside the app, so you don't need to give your phone number. ID and selfie verification help keep fake accounts out. And before you meet, you can share the place and time with family or friends. The app is on Google Play for now.