Making Real Friends Through Activity Groups

Have you ever felt that those friends of yours, who used to be very close in school or college, have become so busy with their own lives these days that you can't seem to connect with them anymore? And when you feel like having a heart-to-heart, you think, 'Who can I talk to?' but there's just no one to be found. If that sounds like you, you're not alone. Making new friends as an adult can feel really difficult, because unlike school or college, there's no longer a reason to see people every day.

So what's the solution? It's simple: go to a place where people meet weekly, or even daily, for a shared hobby. This is what you call an activity group.

Why do activity groups work?

Think about it: walking up to a stranger and saying, "So, what's going on?" doesn't sound a bit awkward? It feels a bit awkward because he doesn't know you and you're suddenly intruding on his conversation. But asking, "I like your shoes, where did you get them?" while walking together on the trail feels much easier. The reason to talk is already there.

And then, when you see the same faces time and again, a sense of trust gradually starts to build. In psychology, this is known as the mere exposure effect. That's why being a regular is so important.

The best thing is that doing things together deepens a friendship. Laughing together, making mistakes together, getting tired together – all of this connects you far more than just sitting and talking.

Which activity to choose?

Choose something you genuinely enjoy. A pastime picked up for show will be dropped in a fortnight; that's a common story, isn't it? Some easy options:

Trekking or a morning walk: It's easier to talk while you're on the move.

Book club: You tend to find intelligent, easy-going people here.

Board games, draughts or chess: The banter starts naturally.

Yoga, Zumba or a gym class: Along with a daily routine, you get to meet familiar faces every day.

Painting, music or dance: Creative people open up quickly.

Volunteering: You often find the kindest-hearted people here.

Robotics, coding or DIY: A passion for tech and building means you find like-minded friends quickly.

How to find a group?

The easiest way is through an app. Vybein and Instagram are quite popular these days. On Vybein, you can find people in your area who share your interests, making it easy to meet up in groups and connect with nearby partners. On Instagram, search for hobby pages and groups in your city.

Facebook and WhatsApp are also great options. On Facebook, you can find groups by searching for "your city name + hobby", and you can also share your preferences there. Joining a group on WhatsApp also makes it easy to have personal chats.

And besides looking online, look around in person as well. Notice boards in libraries, parks, gyms, yoga centres or coaching centres often have details of such groups. NGOs and college clubs also welcome people from outside. If you can't find anything in a small town, start one yourself: create a WhatsApp group, add two or three people you know, and see how it grows.

How to handle first-day nerves?

It's always a bit awkward when you're meeting someone for the first time in person. A million thoughts run through your mind: will they like me? And if you don't have much experience going out or socialising on your own, the fear can be even greater. You might wish you had someone with you so you could just hang out more comfortably. It's completely normal to feel like that. Just remember these four things:

Get there a little early. It's easier to watch people arrive in an empty space than to dive straight into a crowd.

Set yourself just one goal: talk to one person today. That's it.

Remember that half the people there are just as new as you are. They're just as nervous.

Don't try to be perfect. Be yourself; people like authenticity.

How do you start a conversation?

Here are a few questions that always work:

"How long have you been coming here?"

"It's my first time today, any advice?"

"What do you enjoy most about it?"

"What did you think of today's session?"

Ask simple questions and listen carefully to the answers. Being a good listener is the greatest skill.

How to go from 'acquaintance' to 'friend'?

This is where most people get stuck. You meet people in the group, but the friendship stays within the group. To take things further, get a number first: "Could I have your number? ...stay connected outside the group." Then offer a small invitation, like, "Shall we get a coffee after the session?" A direct, low-pressure invitation works best.

And make the first move yourself. Everyone thinks the other person will make the call. Make it. Also, remember one small thing: If someone mentions they have an interview or an exam, follow up later with, "How did it go?" Relationships are built on these small things.

Some common misconceptions

You'll make friends on the very first meeting. No, it usually takes 6 to 8 weeks. Be a little patient.

People won't like me. Most people welcome a new face.

I didn't fit in with one group, so I must not be friend material. That's not true at all. Perhaps that group just wasn't the right one for you. Try another.

A final word

Good friends aren't found by luck. They're made through consistency, a bit of courage, and a little patience. The first step is the smallest, but also the most important. Find a group this week and just give it a go. Your next best friend could be sitting there, waiting for you.